When “Should” Becomes the Story

“I should go to that networking event.”
“I should take the promotion.”
“I should be grateful. I have everything I need.”

And yet, something didn’t feel quite right.

If you’re anything like many of my clients — and truthfully, like me at one point — you’ve lived by the rulebook of “shoulds” for years. It’s not always obvious. Sometimes it shows up as quiet restlessness. Other times, as burnout masked as ambition. The “shoulds” pretend to protect us — but over time, they dilute our sense of self.

Let me be clear: there’s nothing wrong with being responsible or driven. But when every decision is motivated by external expectation instead of inner alignment, you start to forget what you actually want.

How to Know You’re Living Someone Else’s Script

There’s a sneaky thing that happens when you get good at doing what’s expected — people praise you. You get labeled as capable, successful, dependable. And in the middle of all that gold-star feedback, you might lose sight of whether any of it truly lights you up.

Here are a few quiet signals you might be living more in “should” than in truth:

• You’ve accomplished a lot… but it doesn’t feel like you anymore.
• Making decisions feels heavy — like you’re navigating someone else’s roadmap.
• Your dreams feel vague or distant, like they belong to another version of you.

If you’re nodding along, take a deep breath. This realization is an awakening.

You don’t need to flip your life upside down to reconnect with your true desires. You just need to start paying attention in a new way. Here’s what that can look like:

• Pause Before You Say Yes: Next time someone asks something of you, try this: “Can I get back to you?” Give yourself permission to check in with your own bandwidth and desire before responding.
• Notice What Feels Alive: Throughout your day, ask: When do I feel most energized? When do I feel like I’m shrinking? Let your body give you feedback before your brain makes the case for obligation.
• Speak in Desire, Not Duty: Practice saying things like “I want to…” or “I feel called to…” even if you’re just talking to yourself. Let that language become more familiar than “I should…”
• Protect Your Curiosity: Give yourself time each week to explore something with no purpose other than joy or intrigue — a class, a long walk, even a conversation with someone outside your usual circles.

This isn’t about chasing instant clarity. It’s about creating the conditions where your real voice can re-emerge.

How Coaching Supports the Shift from “Should” to Want

Letting go of “should” can feel disorienting at first — like stepping off a well-paved path into a quiet, unfamiliar forest. Coaching is the handrail for that journey. It’s not about giving you advice or telling you what to do. It’s about helping you hear your own voice more clearly.

When we work together, we slow things down. We get curious about your patterns — not to judge them, but to understand what they’ve been protecting. And then we ask: What do you want now? What would feel like freedom?

It’s in this space that real change starts to take shape — not forced, but chosen.

You don’t have to have all the answers. You don’t even need to be sure of what you want yet. The only thing you need is a willingness to listen inward — gently, honestly, and without shame.

Here’s what I believe:
You are not behind.
You are not broken.
And it’s never too late to rewrite the script.

Find out more about my Coaching Philosophy and Approach on this section.

If your heart is tugging at you with the quiet question, “What if there’s more than this?”, let’s explore that together.

Curious? Let’s Talk Or message me directly — I’d love to hear from you.

I offer a free, no-pressure call to connect. Not a sales pitch — just a real conversation about where you are, and where you might want to go. If it feels right, we’ll walk the path together.